Substance use disorder affects all areas of life, especially relationships. Learn how drug addiction affects all relationships.
Addiction makes it difficult to maintain trust, respect and open communication – critical elements in a healthy relationship. When a person has a substance use disorder (SUD), their life can become largely focused on obtaining and using the drug.
This may lead to neglecting responsibilities or the needs of their significant other, family and friends. As a result, their partner will feel hurt, angry and betrayed. Drug addiction can have devastating effects on relationships in many different ways.
If you are in a relationship with a person with SUD or struggle with addiction yourself, know that help is available. Addiction is a treatable disease. With time and effort, all affected by addiction can repair the damage and move towards recovery together. Learn how substance use disorder affects relationships so you can prepare yourself and your loved ones to take the next step.
Read more to explore the complexity of addiction, its effect on relationships and how you and your loved ones can heal.
Codependency in Romantic Relationships
Codependency is commonly a part of being in a relationship with someone with substance use disorder. This is because the lives of family members often revolve around the addiction. As a result, family members try to help a loved one in the wrong ways unintentionally. Eventually, they gain a sense of satisfaction from being needed by the person with substance use disorder.
For example, a wife might mean well by giving her husband money for drugs to prevent withdrawal symptoms. However, she is directly enabling his addiction and may be preventing him from getting help. Codependency can be damaging to both the person with addiction and their loved ones.
Codependency can happen in many different familial combinations. It occurs between two people misusing drugs, family members or spouses of people using drugs or children of parents with addiction. In all of these cases, someone falls into a “caretaker” role for people with substance use disorder.
A study published in Addiction and Health found that codependency was significantly higher in women married to men with SUD. In a codependent relationship, one person relies on the other to fulfill their emotional needs and give them self-esteem. It also describes a relationship that enables a person to continue self-destructive behavior.
Codependent people desire to feel needed by the person struggling, so they engage in enabling behaviors. Individuals who become codependent tend to show some of the following signs:
- Low self-esteem
- Fear of abandonment
- Have difficulty saying “no”
- Feeling responsible for a loved one’s thoughts and feelings
- May feel rejected if a person does not accept their help
- Confusing love with pity and entering relationships with others they wish to rescue
- Will do anything to hold onto a relationship to avoid the pain of abandonment
- Feeling guilty about asserting themselves
- Tend to feel hurt if others do not appreciate their efforts
- Needing approval from others
- Doing more than their share in the relationship
Codependent people are afraid their relationship will end, so they will go out of their way to accommodate their partner. They do this even if it means sacrificing their own needs or enabling addictive behavior. They often fill the caretaker role, sometimes to the point where they stop caring for themselves.
Codependency does not always have to exist between romantic partners. Sometimes, children of parents with SUD become codependent and take on caretaker roles. Codependent people often have good intentions and are trying to care for the person with an addiction. Codependency, damages self-esteem further and can lead to depression and anxiety.
Enabling Behaviors in Relationships
Codependent people often engage in enabling behaviors. Enabling behavior directly or indirectly encourages or simply makes it possible for a person to continue using drugs. Sometimes, a person does not realize they are an enabler. They might deny that they are codependent and helping a loved one maintain their addiction.
Addiction is not easy for anyone to handle. However, realizing you or a loved one is codependent is the first step to getting help and repairing relationships. Examples of enabling behaviors include:
- Denying a loved one has a substance use problem
- Using drugs together
- Making excuses for drug use, such as saying a loved one has a stressful job
- Avoiding problems to keep the peace
- Suppressing negative feelings and self-medicating
- Taking over the loved one’s responsibilities they are unable to perform
- Feeling superior to the addicted person and treating them like a child
- Trying to control the person with substance use disorder in any way they can
- Enduring the addiction and thinking things will get better on their own
Codependency and enabling behavior can be damaging in relationships for everyone involved. If a person with SUD never has to face the consequences of their addiction, they may not realize they need help. Ultimately, enabling can lead to medical, financial and relationship issues.
How Drug Addiction Affects Relationships Between Romantic Partners
Perhaps one of the most common issues with addiction is the psychological effects on a significant other. Addiction creates a unique dynamic between the person misusing substances and their romantic partner. The partner with SUD will focus their energy on obtaining and using their drug of choice. They will often neglect their romantic partner and their needs and feelings.
- Lack of physical intimacy: Intimacy plays a significant role in romantic relationships and can create unnecessary emotional boundaries. Addiction can also cause emotional and mental strain for all parties involved. Once an addiction forms, quality time together is often reduced unless it includes using the substance. Responsibilities at home may be neglected. A person with SUD may alter their behavior and start spending less time at home to avoid confrontation.
- Secrecy and deceit: A person with SUD may also try to keep their substance use secret from their romantic partner at first. Secrecy and lying often lead to distrust in a relationship, which can devolve into constant arguments. The person living with SUD may feel guilt, judgment or lack of support from their significant other. Meanwhile, their partner may react to the situation with accusations, controlling behaviors or excessive caretaking.
- Financial strain: Substance use is often expensive. A person with SUD might resort to stealing from their romantic partner or using joint accounts to fund their substance use. Once their other half discovers this, arguing will often increase. Sometimes, their partner may turn to codependent or enabling behaviors to try to patch up the relationship.
The disconnect between the two parties and consistent arguing can create a dangerous situation. If arguing has become common due to addiction, domestic violence can develop in the home. Sometimes referred to as intimate partner violence, it can include physical, mental and emotional abuse. Romantic partners might be yelled at or intimidated when the topic of addiction is brought up. They may also feel fear of physical retaliation and choose not to talk about addiction altogether.
Not all of these signs will be present in each relationship. However, if you recognize even one, it may be time to talk with your partner about seeking professional help. You can also speak directly with an addiction specialist or medical provider to determine available treatment options.
How Drug Addiction Affects Relationships and Erodes Trust
Trust is an essential element in a healthy relationship. Drug addiction often leads to lost trust. It is not uncommon for people with SUD to engage in secretive behavior and lie about drug use. They might lie about who they were with or what they did that day. They might steal money from a family member to buy substances.
Dishonesty, stealing and general dishonesty can make both partners feel a widening gap between them. Lying to a loved one makes them feel hurt, uncared for and disrespected. Family members and significant others may not understand that the substance use disorder is often more powerful than the need to be honest.
A lack of trust can lead to anger, resentment, jealousy and fear. Trust takes time to rebuild once broken, but it is not impossible.
Let HCRC Help you and your Loved Ones
Now you are aware of how drug addiction affects relationships. Our specialists at Health Care Resource Centers (HCRC) are here to help if you are ready to take the next step. Whether you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, we know it can take a toll on the whole family.
At HCRC, our team is committed to helping patients recover from opioid use disorder. Using medication-assisted treatment and substance use counseling, we provide a comprehensive treatment service that addresses all of our patients’ unique needs.
Our treatment centers are accredited by the Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities (CARF), signifying our commitment to high-quality care to facilitate recovery. All of our programs are federally certified and licensed by the state. Rest assured that you will receive professional treatment at any of our facilities.
We have multiple treatment facilities specializing in opioid use disorders across New England, so you can find treatment close to home. If you are not located in the New England area, we have affiliate programs across the U.S. to help you. If you or your significant other are ready to take the first step to recovery, reach out to HCRC today.
